Table of Contents
Why A Funeral Ceremony Is Important
- introduction
- thoughts on life and death
- tribute or eulogy
- committal
- conclusion
Supporting Those in Grief After the Ceremony Ceremony
Personalize, Personalize, Personalize
Sample Funerals -What's Possible
Words of Wisdom: Poems, Verses, Quotes
WHY A FUNERAL CEREMONY IS IMPORTANT
Throughout the history of mankind, we have used ceremonies to celebrate important events in our lives; to mark beginnings and endings. Funeral ceremonies have been a universal custom in every culture, not only to dispose of a dead body, but also to provide psychological support to loved ones and friends left behind.
The funeral ceremony allows us to commemorate a life and celebrate a person's precious memories. The funeral ceremony gives us permission to share our feelings through the process of giving and receiving sympathies from others. That's why the saying "grief shared is grief diminished" rings so true; the funeral ceremony becomes a time for family, friends and acquaintances to gain support from one another. Families are comforted knowing that others loved our loved one too. When others also share the loss and become part of the grieving process, the bereaved feel a reinforcement that their loved one was significant.
Funeral ceremonies also provide a place where others can pay their respects to the deceased, family and friends. It allows everyone a safe place to show emotions and to cry. People look for comfort at a funeral, and sometimes speakers at a funeral ceremony can have people feeling better after the ceremony than when they arrived. The speaker can achieve that by reminiscing about special memories, through the use of humour or by giving hope and promise. The ritual of a funeral helps us to find meaning in life and death, and helps us remember the person who died by encouraging us to share those memories.
For centuries, religious leaders have conducted funeral ceremonies. Today, many families do not have a religious leader they are close with, nor do they want a "religious" ceremony, The vast majority of Calgarians do not have a formal religious group that they attend regularly. However, most of these people still want and need ceremony. And, although we are fortunate to have clergy from all faiths available to help bereaved families, it can also be a challenge for clergy to conduct a funeral ceremony for someone they have never met.
So, how do we help those who want and need a ceremony, but wish to conduct it without the involvement of clergy or a religious group? That is the purpose of this book: to help those people create a meaningful funeral ceremony. We are not saying that people should not turn to their religious leaders; in fact we would encourage it, as we have seen many families helped with the infusion of a religious tone. However, a funeral ceremony is a personal choice and must reflect the wishes of the deceased and their family. A funeral without a religious leader is not an anti-God ritual Most people are not against God, but many have simply not yet found a church where they are comfortable. This book, then, is for people who may not want religion to be a part of their funeral ceremony experience or who are looking for information on how to write a eulogy.
Although funeral ceremonies are as unique as the person's life being celebrated, a successful funeral will have structure to it. Ceremonies require a sense of solemnity and importance. Churches have long been known to provide formal structure and this provides rhythm and tradition that are comforting in themselves. Too often, a memorial service planned outside a church appears to be nothing more than a series of speeches or an awkward fusing of music and meeting. To prevent this awkward sense, using a formal structure with a person to officiate or act as a celebrant, a sense of dignity is brought to the ceremony. Whether religious or not, a funeral ceremony generally contains very definite and different components. Not all funerals contain every section, and not all funerals proceed in the same order, but the following are suggestions:
1) introduction
2) thoughts on life and death
3) tribute or eulogy
4) committal
5) conclusion
A funeral ceremony may be as informal as having a gathering to honour the deceased with a microphone for speakers, and special background music playing. For some, a gathering or funeral ceremony gives people the opportunity to view the deceased. Viewing the deceased gives appropriate time to say goodbye. According to psychologists, because "seeing is believing", viewing can be helpful in facilitating the grieving process.
INTRODUCTION OF THE FUNERAL CEREMONY
The opening words are expressions of introduction and welcome. Often, those participating in the ceremony are introduced at this time. It can be good to mention something about the deceased in the introduction since there may be people in attendance who never knew the deceased, but who came out of love and respect for someone in the family.
THOUGHTS ON LIFE AND DEATH
This section may include pieces of poetry that were of particular significance to the deceased, or that are intended to provide comfort to the family and friends. Many use this opportunity to speak about the natural order of death and liken it to nature. Even though the intent may not be a religious ceremony, many still find comfort in appropriate scripture passages that speak about the process of death. To help guide this process, there are sample poems, quotes and scripture included in the back of this booklet.
TRIBUTE OR EULOGY
Personalization is the most valuable element of today's funerals and the tribute offers a perfect time to personalize. Remembering and sharing special moments together about the deceased will leave those in attendance feeling that they have had a touching glimpse into that person's life and personality.
The tribute may be a eulogy or a historical tracing of the deceased person's life. Eulogy means "good word". The tribute may reflect the deceased's hobbies, occupation, ethnic background, social affiliations or other significant occurrences in their life. During a tribute, it's not unusual for a speaker who knew the deceased well to say how they are feeling; verbalizing an emotion can give the tribute warmth, and validate the feelings of others in attendance.
The tribute may include anecdotes or stories to emphasize the deceased person's life. Some information may be gained from reading the obituary, but it is not necessary to read the obituary at the funeral. In most cases everyone will have already read the obituary. Expand on two or three positive traits. For example, instead of saying she loved china, say: "Mary's love of china took her to many places in the world to see where these treasures were manufactured and painted." The tribute may be serious, or have humour injected into it. Humour is appropriate if it is affectionate and illuminates something about the deceased.
Dr. Alan Wolfelt, noted author, educator and grief counselor suggests five topics that may be included in a tribute:
1) Live: words to describe the deceased and their traits
2) Laugh: what types of things gave the deceased pleasure
3) Love: what relationships were important and who had the
most influence in their life
4) Learn: interests, accomplishments, clubs or organizations
5) Legacy: how would they want to be remembered
More than one person may give the tribute. For example: a professional colleague may speak about the deceased's education and work history, with perhaps a closer friend telling more personal and intimate details. A tribute may include special music or a display of memorabilia. A tribute may also include a video.
Many people are now choosing to have a video tribute played as part of the funeral ritual. The video may outline the deceased's life in still photographs set to a memorable piece of music. A video is a powerful, moving presentation because a picture truly is worth a thousand words, and can say much more in a few seconds than words ever could. An added advantage of a video is that the family can keep it and view it again and again, deriving much solace from it in the comfort of their own home.
Regardless of what it includes, the tribute is no doubt the most personal part of a funeral ceremony. Although a tribute may be a difficult item to prepare and present, it is the most rewarding part of the ceremony in the end.
COMMITTAL
When people recall a formal committal, they will probably remember the words "ashes to ashes, dust to dust". The committal is intended to be a final act of formal parting, and most often takes place at the site of the disposition. i.e. cemetery
The committal allows us to officially say goodbye to the deceased, For most people, the act of committal is one of the most final of all the processes in the expression of the emotions of grief. After the committal, when people begin to leave the final resting place, the bereaved know that life will never again be as it was. The committal is a painful, yet very important part of the healing process.
It is easy to involve the entire family in the committal to make it a more personal experience. Some may wish to have everyone place a flower on the casket or with the urn. Some may choose to release helium balloons. There are as many different ways to personalize a committal as there are families.
CONCLUSION
The conclusion usually includes a thank-you to everyone for attending on behalf of the family. The conclusion may also include an invitation to a reception after the ceremony, if such an event is being hosted. At the conclusion, some verbalize the fact that grief does not end with the funeral ceremony, and encourages those in attendance to remember that the bereaved will continue to need their support.
SUPPORTING THOSE IN GRIEF AFTER THE CEREMONY
Grief does not end with the funeral ceremony. It is important that the bereaved feel that the love and support of friends and relatives will continue. There are many ways to extend your support. The following list suggests means of support, bur of course, knowing the family may also give you numerous other ways to show that you care.
Telephone regularly to tell them you care and love them. Visit the bereaved, or have them come visit you for a meal. Prepare a meal and deliver it to the bereaved's home. Send a card or a letter. Send flowers or a plant. Remember special days, such as anniversaries and birthdays. Offer to help with housework or yardwork. Take the bereaved to a movie. Take them to visit the grave.
Grief is hard work, and anything that you can do to help will be appreciated. Don't be afraid to mention the deceased, as they will cherish the fact that you, too, remember.
CEREMONY ENHANCEMENT WITH MUSIC
Music is an important element of a funeral service for many reasons. To have music playing while people arrive for a funeral can help to provide a more relaxing atmosphere, as people are often apprehensive about attending a funeral service. Background music will enhance the whole environment and make it more pleasing to be in. Music is familiar, but it is also comforting, calming and moving, triggering memories and emotions. Prelude and postlude music can break the silence, and gives those in attendance something to focus on.
During the ceremony, one or two specially selected pieces of music (whether classical, country, contemporary or any other kind) can personalize the ceremony. Throughout our lives, music has a way of making memories even more memorable. Music can be a very healing touch to any ceremony; many times where a spoken word might fall short in comforting someone, music succeeds.
Gone are the days when funerals rely only on religious music. Of course, if the funeral ceremony is to be celebrated in a church, it is fitting that the music be selected in accordance with the church's requirements. More frequently today, people provide their own music on CD, but live musicians and vocalists can also add a compassionate human touch. The warmth of the human voice and expressions of musicians can add greatly to the service. Musicians may include organists, pianists, harpists, or bag pipers, just to name a few.
The following is suggested secular music that may enhance a funeral ceremony:
Angel -Sarah McLachlan ,
Angels Among Us -Alabama
Bridge Over Troubled Water -Simon &Garfunkel
Candle In the Wind -Elton John
Danny Boy
Fly -Celine Dion
Funeral for A Friend -Elton John
Green Grass of Home -Tom Jones
Go Rest High On That Mountain -Vince Gill
God's Alive and Well -Billy Gilman
Goodbye My Friend -Linda Ronstadt
I Will Remember You -Sarah McLachlan
If Tomorrow Never Comes -Garth Brooks
Morning Has Broken -Cat Stevens
My Heart Will Go On -Celine Dion
My Time On Earth -Billy Gilman
My Way -Frank Sinatra
One Small Star -John McDermott
Tears in Heaven -Eric Clapton
The Dance -Garth Brooks
The Long and Winding Road -Beatles
The Old Man -John McDermott
The Prayer -Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli
The Rose -Bette Midler
Turn! Turn! Turn! -Byrds
What A Wonderful World -Louis Armstrong
Who Wants to Live Forever -Pavoratti
Will the Circle Be Unbroken -Nitty, Gritty Dirt Band
Wind Beneath My Wings -Bette Midler
Yesterday -Beatles
You Light Up My Life -Joe Brooks
You'll Never Walk Alone -Placido Domingo
PERSONALIZE PERSONALIZE, PERSONALIZE
The ideal funeral ceremony is one that creates a living picture of the way a person spent their time on earth. It is a time to reflect on the deceased's style and their way of life. The best approach is to include as much personal information and reflection about a person as possible. Others will derive great solace from a meaningful, personalized funeral ceremony, and will remember it -and the person -for a long time to come.
There are many ways to make a funeral ceremony unique. In fact, there are as many different ways to personalize a funeral as there are people. The following provides ideas that could be used at a funeral ceremony, based on some of the things we have seen that work well.
- Tributes or eulogy: have someone speak personally about the deceased.
- Memory photos: put a collage of photographs together to display the deceased's life.
- Memory table: display items of the deceased's that depict his/her life, career, family and hobbies.
- Music: selections meaningful to that person may be a part of a funeral ceremony.
- Video: a video depicting the deceased's life, family, career and hobbies may be shown, set to meaningful music.
- Poetry: select pieces may be read that the deceased cared for, or that perhaps describe his/her life.
- Letters: family or friends may read a letter to the deceased expressing their feelings.
- Casket or Urn: can be personalized
Mankind has always used rituals and symbols to mark certain events and to recall important happenings. A ritual can be especially valuable if it allows people to participate and share. Sometimes when speaking is too difficult, a ritual can assist us to express our sorrow. Rituals offer support of a caring community. Rituals may involve the participation of the immediate family only or may include everyone at the funeral ceremony. One example of a ritual that most are familiar with is the "ashes to ashes, dust to dust," which is frequently part of a committal ceremony; at the saying of these words, sand is sprinkled on the casket, usually in the sign of a cross.
Our churches have successfully used rituals for centuries. To follow are some example rituals; some have been done for many years and others might be new to you.
Pall: In churches, when a pall is required, the family members may place the pall on the casket.
Candles: One candle may be lit (or blown out) to represent the life and light of the deceased. Family members may each light a candle representing their relationship with the deceased. After the funeral ceremony, the people may take the candle home and light it again, perhaps on a special date or anniversary.
Flowers: Family members may each place a flower on the casket or urn, or may prefer to take a single flower home from an arrangement of flowers at the funeral ceremony.
Rose Petals: People may each take a rose petal from a rose and say a word or sentence about the deceased as they place the petal on the casket or urn. If it is a large group involved, they may just hold the petal and quietly think of a special moment, then place the petal on the Gasket or urn as they exit. .
Seeds and Bulbs: Everyone in attendance may be given flower seeds (perhaps forget-me-nots) or a bulb to plant, so that they will be reminded of the deceased once again when the flowers grow and bloom.
Earth: Everyone in attendance may choose to place earth on the casket or urn as it is interred.
Doves or Butterflies: May be released.
Balloons: People may write a message, or simply say or think of a memory as helium balloons are released.
Poppies: If the deceased was a veteran, those in attendance may place a poppy on the casket or urn.
Pebbles: Everyone in attendance may be given a pebble and a marker and encouraged to write one word on the pebble that to them symbolized the deceased. As people leave, they place the pebbles in a basket for the family to take home.
Firing Rifles: Three shots is a warning sign that a hunter is lost.
Checkered Flag: If the deceased was a race car driver, during the procession into the cemetery, someone may wave the checkered flag.
Lottery Tickets: One gentleman owned a lottery ticket booth so everyone at the ceremony was given a lottery ticket.
Meaningful Collections: Give everyone in attendance something from a treasured collection of the deceased; it may be spoons, fishing flies, hats, teacups, Christmas decorations, or whatever.
Public speaking is difficult for many people, and can be especially hard at a ceremony that is as emotionally charged as a funeral. While it is a tremendous honour to deliver a tribute or eulogy, it may cause stress and anxiety. Here are some tips to help make that experience less stressful.
First and foremost, be prepared! It is vital to meet with the bereaved family before the ceremony. This gives you an opportunity to comfort them plus allows them time to gather their thoughts. They will likely have ideas on something important or meaningful they want to include in the ceremony. If you listen well, you can usually capture and express the family's needs. Ask family and friends to share their stories. These will form the basis of your eulogy and it is a wonderful way to include others.
Telling stories is a great way of connecting with the audience -people love stories and can relate to them. Think of the eulogy as a way to tell a story about the deceased. A simple way to do this is to use the words, "I remember ... "
Mention people who were special to the deceased. Your audience will appreciate hearing of the strong relationship the deceased had with their family or close friends, and it will mean the world to those who are mentioned.
Be honest. Share your feelings and experiences about the deceased. Never try to embellish or exaggerate qualities in the deceased. Stay true to the facts and your feelings.
Keep your eulogy brief. Try for a length of three to five minutes. This allows plenty of time to paint a complete and vibrant picture of the deceased.
The more prepared you are, the less nervous you will be. Practice what you will say in advance -to get ready for this important occasion, but to also give you insight on appropriate timing and emphasizing. Type out your text in big, bold print with extra spacing between the lines so that it is easy to see. Number your pages and highlight key words or lines. Never just read; make eye contact with the audience from time to time. Connect with them. Don't speak too fast and remember that pauses are effective too. Give the audience time to absorb your words.
Dress appropriately, but comfortably. Dress in a respectful manner, remembering the dignity of the occasion. Clothes that fit well and look good on you will make you feel good about yourself and reflect positively.
Speak and enunciate carefully. Speak clearly, not too close or too far from the microphone. Look up and around to address the people in attendance. Use short sentences and language that people will understand. Choose concrete words and active verbs that will make it easier for people to follow you. Speak slower than you think you might need to. Be comfortable spacing words and pausing.
Use humour appropriately. Laughter is healing, and it is good medicine. However, it needs to be appropriate and relevant to the deceased's life, not just some joke you stumbled across. During the tribute, humour may be used, if in good taste, by relating a funny incident or two that happened to the deceased.
Do not be embarrassed if you are overcome with emotion during the eulogy. This may be one of the most difficult speeches you will have to deliver in your life. Take a moment to regain your composure and then continue. Remember you are dealing with a sympathetic audience.
Everyone gathered for the funeral will understand that you may be emotional. No one will judge you.
Giving the eulogy at a funeral service is a tremendous gift, both. for the family of the deceased and for the person delivering the tribute. Being honest and talking from the heart will ensure that the eulogy is a loving tribute much appreciated and long remembered.
If you are ever given the opportunity to deliver a eulogy, never turn it down. Delivering a tribute is an experience like no other; it is an honour and a privilege.
SAMPLE FUNERALS WHAT'S POSSIBLE
This section is an outline of sample funeral ceremonies. Draw from these, or combine the elements to build a meaningful and significant funeral of your own.
This funeral ceremony may be for an elderly person.
INTRODUCTION
Good afternoon. My name is _________and I am a granddaughter to________ (name of deceased). It is indeed a privilege for me to speak about my grandmother and at the same time welcome everyone here. Today, I hope to pay tribute to (name of deceased) and honour her memory. To open our ceremony I'd like to ask_______(name of soloist) to sing one of Grandma's favourite song, "Memories"
THOUGHTS ON LIFE AND DEATH
As I thought of my grandmother's life I thought of a scripture passage that seemed appropriate and that is Ecclesiastes
Chapter 3, verses 1 through 8.
A Time For Everything
There is a time for everything
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time [0 die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time co gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up.
a time to keep and a time to throwaway,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
In my Grandmother's life there was a time for everything and she worked toward doing the right thing at the right time. This is especially true in her life of farming; "a time to plant and a time to uproot". Farming, like life itself, has its seasons. Grandma too had many seasons in her life and I think she enjoyed every season, but she knew when her time was limited and she spoke of the next season too, and what it might be like. Grandma was prepared for that, too. Although we may not have been ready for her last season, we all know that she was and we would not wish her back to a life of poor health .
TRIBUTE
I am going to speak of Grandma's life and I hope that you will forgive me if I am vague on some of the important dates. ___ __(name of deceased) was born in the very early part of the last century in Brandon, Manitoba to _______(name of deceased's parents). Grandma was born the eldest of seven children to farming parents. As the eldest of seven, I am sure that her strong work ethic began as a child at home. It was there that her mother, my great grandmother, would have taught her the business of cleaning, cooking and baking.
Then as a young girl (narne of deceased) went to business college. At business college she was taught shorthand and typing among other things of course. She kept up the typing and shorthand skills and used them most of her life. After business college, Grandma began a brief business career with CPR and it was while there that she met ____(deceased's husband). ___ (deceased's husband) was a Scotsman who farmed in the area. After a courtship (deceased's name) and (deceased's husband) married in 1925.
Together the two of them continued to farm. I remember stories that Grandma told of cooking for threshing gangs. I can only imagine that would have been only a small part of the hard work that went with farming. I'm sure that Grandma's strong work ethic and high energy would have stood her in good stead. Having farmed through the dirty thirties in Saskatchewan and survived, is a testament to hard work. Grandma and Grandpa raised three children, (name children) while farming. After Grandpa's passing in 1954,
Grandma continued to farm with her son and daughter-in law. Although a difficult life at times, Grandma enjoyed living and working near (name son) and being involved with his family of five boys. She spoke of them often.
In the sixties Grandma moved into town. Grandma spent many happy years here in (name of town). Grandma always spoke well of this town and its people. She was incredibly proud of (name of town) and all its accomplishments. I don't know if the people of _____(name of town) knew it, but according to Grandma everything was bigger and better in _____ _ (name of town). Grandma would be content to know, that she herself was back. While living in ___ _ (name of town) Grandma traveled across Canada many times visiting family Grandma liked to travel by train and was good at it. One spring I traveled with her across Canada and Grandma taught me the finer points of travel by train. i.e.: there was no dome car east of Winnipeg because mere was nothing to see east of her beloved, beautiful prairies.
Grandma had enjoyed excellent, vigorous health right up until her 90th birthday. It is natural that we should be sad today because in a practical sense Grandma is no longer a part of our lives. But although we grieve for ourselves, we should not be sad for her to have lived a good and fulfilling life for 93 years. with only the last two years seriously marred by failing health is something to be thankful for.
COMMITTAL
And now we come to the committa1. It, too, is fitting and timely for although we will all miss grandma for the different things that she meant to us, we must be grateful for the long. wonderful life that she led and influences she had. May I repeat a portion of Ecclesiastes "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose on earth ... a time to be born, and a time to die." We now must leave, her as we knew her and commit her to the next passage of her journey where she will be reunited with those who went before her.
CONCLUSION
On behalf of all of (name of deceased) family we want to thank you for coming. We hope that everyone will continue to share their time with us and join us now for a time of fellowship in the adjoining hall.
Thank you.
FUNERAL CEREMONY #2
This funeral ceremony may be typical for a sudden death.
INTRODUCTION
We have come together here today to honour the life of _ _ ____ (name of deceased) and to express our love for him and hopefully at the same time bring comfort to his family and friends. His untimely death is devastating and we are all at a loss to explain it. My name is ____ _ (speaker's name) and I came to know ___ ___(name of deceased) some years ago while we were both in the same hiking club.
THOUGHTS ON L IFE AND DEATH
I would like to read to you a Robert Lewis Stevenson poem. This piece entitled "Achievement" exemplifies a life like _ ____(name of deceased) had. To have lived well, laughed often and loved much; to have gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of children; to have filled a niche and accomplished a task; to have left the world better whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem or a rescued soul; to have appreciated earth's beauty and not failed to express it; to have looked for the best in others and to have given the best of yourself ,\ That is achievement.____(name of deceased) lived well and laughed often. We all remember his wonderful sense of humour and how he could just as easily turn a joke onto himself if he thought it would make someone laugh . (name of deceased) worked hard and was respected for that. While going to university full-time he always held a part-time job. After graduation he carried on with that great work ethic in his profession. (name of deceased) worked hard while off the job, too. He worked hard at relationships. His wife, children and family mattered more to him than anything. He cared about their lives and his relationships with them. He was proud of them. He was involved._____(name of deceased) cared about people and that showed in everything that he said and did. He was interested in people and concerned for all he knew. H e was always pleased to lend a hand or be a good listener. _____(name of deceased) accomplished much in his all too brief, 32 years, much more than many could accomplish in a much longer life. He graduated from University with honours and with two degrees. He ran a successful business, but still had time to volunteer with the Scouting movement and with various outdoor pursuits. Let us remember_____(name of deceased) for his good deeds, his wonderful sense of humour and his kindness. Now let us listen to Bette Midler singing "Wind Beneath My Wings",as we reflect on our own personal memories.
TRlBUTE
_____(name of deceased) appreciated nature and the many wonderful times and places it gave him. ______{name of deceased) enjoyed every season for what it had to offer. As a child, his parents introduced him and his siblings to weekend camping. He continued to take pleasure in the great outdoors as a young man both with his family and also with the scouting movement.______{name of deceased) and his wife ____ enamel appreciated their many trips to the mountains to hike, backpack and ski. When their children were born it was just a natural extension of their family life to try to squeeze in as many hours outdoors as possible. (name of deceased) himself, when outdoors would often say "It doesn't get any better" or "This is heaven, eh?" I know that _____ (name of deceased) is in such a place as that and that he may exclaim, "This is heaven, eh?" And I am confident that someday we will all enjoy that wonderful place with him. As we are ushered from this chapel today to take _____ {name of deceased) to the cemetery we will hear our musician playing more of (name’s) favourite pieces.
COMMITTAL
Our committal today seems most appropriate here in this beautiful park-like setting. (name of deceased) would have appreciated all the nature surrounding us: the trees, the birds, flowers, even the bugs and the weather. It is all nature that reminds us that (name of deceased) was such an outdoor enthusiast. Take a moment now to think of your favourite memories of______'(name of deceased) in the quiet of this place. For those who choose, you may wish to pray. (Pause for a brief time) As we leave this place, let us think of ______(name of deceased) with love, respect' and fond memories.
CONCLUSION
______{names of family members), and in fact all of _ _____ '(name of deceased) family have asked me to express their thanks for your many acts of kindness. May we continue to remember them in the weeks and months ahead and keep in touch with them to show our continued love and support. As we return to our own lives we know that we have been enriched and strengthened for having known (name of deceased). Now let us excuse ourselves, and join in continued fellowship with refreshments on the upper level at the funeral home.
FUNERAL CEREMONY #3
This funeral ceremony may be for a young child.
INTRODUCTION
Before I begin I'd like to thank for his wonderful piping that we heard as we arrived . It reminds us all of our Scottish heritage. We are gathered here today to remember the all too short life of (name of deceased). My name is (speaker's name) and I am _____(state relationship to the family). I can think of nothing sadder for ___________(name the parents) than this: to have lost their beautiful daughter _________'(name of deceased). When an older person becomes ill and dies it seems somewhat natural; of course very sad, but eventually we come to realize how natural it is and how much a part of life death is, but for a young child to die before us it is like the loss of our future . We are robbed of events that may have happened; more school _ yes, graduation, a career, perhaps marriage and more births.
However, today let us dwell not only on the sadness, but also the joy of life. Our first piece of music is _____(name title of music) and it is one of ___ _ _ {name of deceased) favourites. This piece of joyful music was often played at (name of deceased) request to comfort her during difficult times. Soloist to sing.
THOUGHTS ON LIFE AND DEATH
I would like to share with you a quote of Helen Keller's words, "What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." We will be reminded of (name of deceased) and the joy that she brought knowing how much she loved dogs and especially puppies. (name of deceased) loved nothing better than to be among a litter of puppies. As well, we will always remember her joy of being surprised. She loved surprises, whether it was a surprise visit from a friend or relative or a surprise present. ________(name of deceased) liked to give and receive surprises. Although (name of deceased) was a short life, we should not measure its value by its length of time. The great Russian novelist, Alexander Solzhenitsyn wrote, "Some people are born to die young. By dying young a person stays young forever in people's memory. If he burns brightly before he dies, his light shines for all time." Such is the case with our little (name of deceased).
TRIBUTE
____ _ (name of deceased) was born in this city just 7 short years ago, two weeks before Christmas to______(name of parents). She herself was a bit of a surprise having arrived quite early and her parents maybe not quite ready. But, being practical. loving parents, they were thrilled to have (name of deceased) home for the holidays. (names of parents) have enjoyed every moment of being parents and consequently ____ _ (name of deceased) filled their days with much love and joy.
COMMITTAL
As we leave (name of deceased) here in this resting place let us remember again that we can never lose her she will always be a part of us. And let us not focus on the date of death, but instead the seven memorable years prior to that.
CONCLUSION
Before we leave one another's company today let us sit and listen once again to a special piece of music. As you listen to the music think of (name of deceased) and a happy memory of her and how you would like to go on remembering her. Soloist to sing.
WORDS OF WISDOM: POEMS, VERSES, Q UOTES & SCRIPTURE
These samples may add meaning and ceremony to your personalized service.
"The moment may be temporary, bur the memory is forever"
-Bud Meyer
Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change;
Courage to change
the things I can;
and the
wisdom to know the difference.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft Star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there; I did not die.
We cannot control the movement of time,
nor can we control our own destiny
or me destinies of those we love.
But we can take comfort in knowing
that those who have lived in our hearts
are never really gone.
For as long as we keep them with us,
in our hearts and our thoughts,
they will be with us always.
For love, which is timeless,
never ceases to exist.
To have lived well,
laughed often and loved much;
to have gained the respect
of intelligent men
and the love of children;
to have filled a niche
and accomplished a task;
to have left the world better
whether by an improved poppy,
a perfect poem or a rescued soul;
to have appreciated earth's beauty
and not failed to express it;
to have looked for the best in others,
and to have given the best of yourself.
That is achievement.
From Robert Louis Stevenson's "Achievement"
Footprints
One night I had a dream -I dreamed I was walking
along the beach with the Lord, and across
the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each
scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand.
One belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me
I looked back at the foot prints in the sand. I noticed
that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life. This really bothered me
and I questioned the Lord about it, "Lord, You said that
once I decided to follow You, You would walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most difficult times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why in times
when I need you most, You should leave me." The Lord replied,
"My precious, precious child, I love you and would never, never
leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw
only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
-By Margaret Fishback Powers
For everything there is an appointed season.
And a time for everything under heaven
A time for sharing,
a time for caring.
A rime for loving,
a time for giving.
A time for remembering,
a time for parting.
You have made everything beautiful in its time.
For everything You do remains forever.
Ecclesiastes, select lines from chapter 3
Until We Meet
How blessed is the tie that binds
Our hearts in lasting love,
The comradeship of kindred minds
I like to that above.
So when at last we have to part
In sorrow and in pain
We know we still are joined in heart,
Until we meet again.
Broken is the family circle;
Our dear one is passed away.
Passed from earth and earthly
darkness Into bright and perfect day.
But we all must cease to languish
O'er the grave of him we love;
Strive to be prepared to meet him
In the better world above.
Remember him with a smile today
He was not one for tears
Reflect instead on memories
Of all the happy years
Recall to mind the way he spoke
And all the things he said
His strength, his stance, the way he walked
Remember these instead
T he good advice he'd give us
His eyes that shone with laughter
So much of him will never die
But live on ever after
As we loved you, so we miss you
In our memory you are near
Loved, remembered, longed for always
Bringing many a silent tear.
He had a nature you could not help loving
And a heart that was purer than gold
And to those who knew and loved him
His memory will never grow cold.
Gone, dear husband, gone forever.
How we miss your smiling face,
But you left us to remember
None on earth can take your place.
A happy home we once enjoyed
How sweet the memory still
But death has left a loneliness
The world can never fill.
Today recalls the memory
Of a loved one gone to rest,
And those who think of him today
Are those who loved him best.
The flowers we lay upon his grave
May wither and decay,
But the love for him who lies beneath
Will never fade away.
Time may heal the broken heart,
Time may make the wound less sore,
But time can never stop the longing
For the loved one gone before.
The Sheaf of Wheat ... Symbol of Christian Faith
The seeds of faith are sown in the human personality
and grow into the mature faith of the Christian man or woman.
The sown seed must lose its life in order that it may develop and grow and multiply.
So symbolically, a sheaf of wheat is used by Christians to mark the passing of a fellow Christian.
Death is not the end but the beginning of life eternal
.
The mature grain in the sheaf is the direct symbol of the Resurrection the life beyond the grave, the fulfillment of the promise of Jesus Christ.
Excerpts From A Farmer's Creed
I believe a man's greatest possession is his
dignity and that no calling bestows this more
than farming.
I believe that farming, despite its hardships and
disappointments, is the most honest and
honorable way a man can spend his time on earth.
I believe true happiness comes from watching
our crops ripen in the field, your children
grow tall in the sun, your whole family feel
the pride that springs from their shared experience.
I feel that by my will am giving more to the
world than I am taking from it, an honour that
does not come to all men.
I believe when a man grows old and sums up
his days, he should be able to stand tall and
feel pride in the life he's lived.
I believe in farming because it makes all this possible.
His helping hand was always first
To render any aid he could.
His voice was always raised in praise,
His words were wise and good.
Dear Father, since you've gone away,
The ones you loved so true
Try hard to carry on the way
We know you'd want us to.
Our family circle has been broken,
A link gone from our chain;
But though we're parted for a while,
We know we'll meet again.
Someday, we know not when,
We shall meet in a better land
And never part again.
We shall meet with many a loved one
That was torn from our embrace.
We shall listen to their voices,
And behold them face-to-face.
Sunshine passes, shadows fall,
Love's embrace outlasts all.
We have only a memory, dear mother,
We cherish our whole life through;
Bur the sweetness will live forever.
As we treasure the memory of you.
The world may change from year to year
And friends from day to day,
But never will the one I loved
From memory pass away.
No one knows the heartaches,
Only those who have lost can
tell Of the grief that we bear in silence
For the one we loved so well.
Crossing The Bar
Sunset and evening star.
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,
But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too fall for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home
Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark'
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;
For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face,
When I have crost the bar.
-by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Miss You
Miss you, miss you, miss you;
Everythin I do
Echos with laughter
And the voice of You.
You're on every corner,
Every turn and twist,
Every old familiar spot
Whishpers how you're missed.
Miss you, miss you, miss you!
Everywhere I go
There are poignant memories
Dancing in a row.
Silhouette and shadow
Of your form and face,
Substance and reality
Everywhere displace.
Oh, I miss you, miss you!
God! I miss you, girl!
There's a strange, sad slience
'Mid the busy whirl,
Just as tho' the ordinary
Daily things I do
Wait with me, expectant
For a word from You.
Miss you, miss you, miss you!
Nothing now seems tru
Only that 'twas heaven
Just to be with you.
-by David Cory
Because of you, I love a little more.
Because of you, I take time
to give an extra kiss goodbye
Because of you, I have a favourite song.
Because of you, there may be dust
on the window sill, but I don't care.
Because of you, I live today,
before 1 worry about tomorrow.
Because of you, I don't give up quite as fast.
Because of you, htill believe in rainbows.
Because of you, now I can help or listen
Because of you, today I am me.
-Eileen Wernsman, Loving Arms Newsletter
Is this the end?
I know it cannot be,
Our ships shall sail upon another sea;
New islands yet shall break upon our sight,
New continents of love and truth and might.
-john White Chadwick
Is this the end? I know it cannot be,
Our ships shall sail upon another sea;
New island yet shall break upon our sight,
New continents of love and truth and might.
-John White Chadwick
"All the darkness in the world cannot
extinguish the light of a single candle."
-Maria Gaulier
"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose.
All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."
-Helen Keller's words
I rejoice in the life you lived,
Grateful for having shared it with you.
I loved you-
And was loved by you.
We shared so much, cared so much,
So many memorable times ...
We've been through so much together.
How sadder it would have been
If I'd never known you at all.
Even though you are gone,
You will always be part of me.
For you have left me so rich -
With a "Precious Legacy of Memories"
We'll Send Roses
Today,
Time unfolds like the petals of a rose,
in the stories we hold of our best times together.
The funny things you'd say and the many ways your eyes
could smile.
When the feelings come in, we'll remember again how we
love you.
And we'll send roses every time we remember you.
Yesterday, when we were together, how could we have
known
What thoughts would find a home in our hearts?
Those funny things you'd say and the many ways your eyes
could smile.
"When the feelings come in, we'll remember again how we
love you.
And we'll send roses every time we remember you.
-Anne Milligan
PSALM 23
The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need. He lets me rest in the meadow grass; he leads me beside the quiet streams. He restores my failing health. He helps me do what honors him the most. Even when walking through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me, guarding, guiding all the way. You provide delicious food for me in the presence of my enemies. You have welcomed me as your guest, blessing overflow! Your goodness and unfailing kindness will be with me all of my life, and afterwards I will live with you forever in your home.
JOHN 14;1-3
"Let not your heart be troubled. You are trusting God, now trust in me. There are many homes up there where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then 1 will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where 1 am.
JOHN 11:25-26
Jesus told her, "I am the one who raises the dead and gives them life again. Anyone who believes in me, even though he dies like everyone else, shall live again. He is given eternal life for believing in me and shall never perish.
REVELATION 14:13
And I heard a voice from heaven saying, "Write this down: At last the time has come for his martyrs to enter into their full reward. Yes, says the Spirit, they are blest indeed, for now shall they shall test from all their toils and trials; for their good deeds follow them to heaven!
MATTHEW 11:28-29
Come to me and I will give you rest -all of you who work so hard beneath a heavy yoke. Wear my yoke as it fits perfectly -and let me teach you; for I am humble and gentle, and you shall find rest for your souls; for I give you only light burdens.
JOB 19:25-26
But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and that he will stand upon the earth at last. And I know after my body has decayed, this body shall see God.
PSALM 55:22
Give your burdens to the Lord. He will carry them. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.
1 THESSALONIANS 4: 13-18
And now, dear brothers, I want you to know what will happen to a Christian when he dies, so that when it happens, you will not be full of sorrow, as those are who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we can also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him all the Christians who have died. I can tell you this directly from the Lord: that we who are still living when the Lord returns will not rise to meet him ahead of those who are in their graves. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a mighty shout, with the soul stirring cry of the archangel, and the great trumpet call of God. First, and the believers who are dead will be the first to rise to meet the Lord. Then, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet [he Lord in the air and remain with him forever. So comfort and encourage each other with this news.
ROMANS 14:7-8
We are not our own bosses to live or die as we ourselves might choose. Living or dying we follow the Lord. Either way we are his.
MATTHEW 5:4
Those who mourn are fortunate! for they shall be comforted.
1 CORINTHIANS 15:50-58
But I am telling you this strange and wonderful secret: we shall not all die, but we shall all be given new bodies! It will happen in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For there will be a trumpet blast from the sky and all the Christians who have died will suddenly become alive with new bodies that will never, never die; and then we who are still alive shall suddenly have new bodies too. For our earthly bodies, the ones we have now that can die, must be transformed into heavenly bodies that cannot perish but will live on forever. When this happens, then at last the Scriptures will come true: -"Death is swallowed up in victory. 0 death, where then your victory? When then your sting. For sin -the sting that causes death will all be gone; and the law, which reveals our sins, will no longer be our judge. How we thank God for all of this! It is he who makes us victorious through Jesus Christ our Lord! So, my dear brothers, be strong and steady, always abounding in the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever wasted as it would be if there was no resurrection.
CHILDREN
MATTHEW 18:3-4
Then he said, "Unless you turn from your sins and become as little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven."
MATTHEW 18:10
"Beware that you don't look down on a single one of these children. For I tell you that in heaven their angels have constant access to my Father.
MATTHEW 18:14
Just so, it is not my Father's will that even one of these little ones should perish.
MATTHEW 19:14
Bur Jesus said, "Let the children come to me and don't prevent them. For as such is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Pre-Planning Resources
1. Funeral Programs
2. Hymns
3. Creative Options
4. LifeGem Created Diamonds
5. Memorial Slideshows
Quick Contact
Cornerstone Funeral Home
2825 - 32 Street S.
Lethbridge, AB
Canada T1K 7B1
Ph.: (403) 381-7777
Fax: (403) 381-3128
care@cornerstonefuneralhome.com
100% owned and operated by Southern Albertans
Helpful Resources
1. www.afsrb.ab.ca
Alberta Funeral Services Regulatory Board
2. www.afsa.ab.ca
Alberta Funeral Service Association
3. www.fsac.ca
Funeral Service Association Of Canada
4. www.cremationassociation.org
Cremation Association Of North America
5. www.city.lethbridge.ab.ca
City of Lethbridge Cemeteries
